Mental Skills Archives - Virtual Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Overcoming Self-Deception

Self deception is a form of rationalization. It is an attempt to help you avoid facing or dealing with the truth, which can be difficult to accept at times. The teacher tells the student to “sit down”. The student complies but says to himself, “I was tired of standing up anyway”.

As a sports psychologist I often work with young athletes and their parents. Recently, I evaluated a young tennis player who wasn’t performing to her abilities and had been underperforming for some time. We identified a number of factors that were inhibiting her performance. Rather than accepting the evaluation and help to directly improve the situation, the parent and youngster interpreted the problems as “normal” and to wait and see if she would mature and grow out of it. If she was having a problem with her forehand and a pro recommended a change, would she accept the fact and do the work or wait for improvement to occur on its own?

Self-deception and rationalization is also alive and well in the professional ranks as well.

A top player on the women’s tennis tour, was well known for losing her temper during matches and losing matches as a result! As she was being interviewed, there were clips of her exploding and losing it in various matches as she was explaining that she is an “emotional” player and needs to express her emotions to play better.

The truth is most individuals still have a hard time accepting the fact that their mental and emotional state often times interfere with their performing at their best and only by working and training on specific mind-body skills can they hope to consistently perform at their best.

I once heard, “it is not practice that makes perfect, but practicing more perfectly that does.”

I welcome your thoughts and comments. Send them to Dr.Robert Heller at info@robertheller.net. If you are living or traveling to S. Florida, I am located in Boca Raton and would be happy to work with you on developing your mental toughness skills.

Anger Management: Managing by Negative Example

“Anger” is a powerful emotion which, when channeled properly can motivate and inspire us to do heroic things, perform at our best and even push us to do more than we ever thought possible. Sadly, especially in sports, anger is “mismanaged” and “unregulated” resulting in unpleasantness not only for the angry person but for all those exposed to him or her.

Since we all learn, to some extent by watching others and give extra attention to those who are famous or excel in sports, these “celebrities” can exert strong influence on our own reactions to adverse situation. Fortunately, we can use their occasional “bad displays” of behavior to take a different path when faced with similar circumstances and frustrations.

Recently, I was watching a tennis match between tennis legend and former world champion, John McEnroe. He was getting killed by an opponent and rather than give credit to the excellent play of his opponent or accept his own occasional lapses in performance, in typical McEnroe style, he would find fault with the calls, intimidate the lines people and even yell and scream at the chair umpire. Upon hitting a double fault (totally his own fault), he would then whack a ball into the stadium.

Such outrageous behavior is totally against the rules of the game and the umpire should have penalized him. McEnroe does this to try to pump himself up, distract his opponent, and intimidate the officials so he can perhaps get a favorable call or two later on. I believe some of it is just a conditioned reaction to his intolerance for others and his intensely self-critical nature.

As we watch this behavior unfold a good take away would be to feel sorry for McEnroe. How sad it must be to have such little control over his emotions and to go through life living at the edge of an explosion. How embarrassing it must be to his friends and family to see the whining, complaining and cry baby behaviors of a grown adult unfold in public before an audience of millions.

Whenever you witness this type of anger problem in someone, let it be a trigger for you to say to yourself, “That’s bad. I don’t want to ever behave that way.” “I’m in control of my emotions.” “I will find a better way to handle my frustrations and disappointments.”

In my role as a sports psychologist, I teach my clients these and other tools from cognitive therapy help them more effective “manage their emotions”, “tame their anger”

Defeating Negative Thinking

Negative thinking is easy to acquire and once it becomes a habit, requires consistent effort to change. Defeating negative thinking requires you to first become aware of what your negative thoughts and when they occur. Next, you need to make a list of the negative thoughts. Then, you need to come up with a “better” thought to “replace” the negative thought and practicing thinking and saying the replacement thought whenever the negative thought comes to mind. You must practice saying the new healthier thought STRONGLY and PASSIONATELY in order to get a change at the feeling level.

Defeating negative thinking requires systematic practice. Here is a mental exercise you can practice with: (I use this with tennis players, although you can see how easily it can be adapted to use with other sports or even in non-athletic related situations.)

Here is a list of common negative thoughts associated with playing competitive tennis. For each negative statement, write a more desirable positive statement.

1. Oh no. I have to play this opponent in the first round, I have lost to him twice before.

2. I can’t believe I missed that shot. What’s wrong with me?

3. I am down 3-0. I don’t have a chance.

4. That’s the second backhand I missed. My backhand is the worst.

5. I double faulted on game point. I really suck.

6. I should be killing this guy. I’m so much better and I’m down 3-1.

7. It’s unbelievable. That’s the second shot of mine that hit the line and he called it out. What a cheater!

8. I was ahead the entire set and now it’s 5-5. I’m terrible. I’ll probably end up blowing the set and losing the match.

9. My overhead was great in practice all week and now in the match I have missed 2 of them.

10. I can’t get over that bad call last game. It was such an important point.

Write any additional negative thoughts that are specific to your situation on the back of this page.

On a separate sheet of paper for each negative thought, come up with a more desirable thought to counter the negative one.

Now you have completed the first step in defeating negative thinking.

Resiliency

Resiliency, the ability to come back when behind, is a key mental skill to have both in sports and in life. A recent NBC show highlighted the resiliency of pro golfer, Michael Allen, who for most of his life struggled to make a living as a pro golfer.

Although he believed in himself, after 334 PGA starts without a win he called it quits. In an effort to better support his family, he tried other jobs. After several more years, with the support of his wife and the financial backing of friends he tried again.

His wife convinced him he had to do something different in order to have a better chance at a successful comeback. This time, he worked more on his fitness, hired a new “swing coach” and worked with a “sports psychologist”.

Resiliency combined with doing things differently paid off. After 20 years, Michael won his first PGA Senior tour and for the past 5 years has been a leading money winner, winning several other major tournaments.

The interview was conducted by veteran news reporter, Jayne Pauly. When asked by Matt Lauer of the Today Show, which of the changes she felt were most important in turning things around for Michel Allen, she said, the “sports psychology”.

As a sports psychologist, I live and work in Boca Raton,Florida, a Mecca for golf and tennis and home to numerous professional athletic events. In my experience, mental skills like resiliency and confidence are partly inherited, partly learned through early childhood experiences and partly improved upon through teaching, as are many life skills.

Through counseling and various types of emotional skills training athletes and non-athletes can learn to make changes and improvements in their performance both on and off the playing field.

The key is to get the help you need, make the necessary changes and put in the time and effort for things to come together.

Self-Help Books

I have been using self-help books as a supplement to my work with clients for over 40 years. My mentor, Dr. Albert Ellis was one of the earliest psychologists to write his own self-help books. Bibliotherapy is widely used by therapists in their work with clients. The reading of material and engaging in exercises provided provides structure and support for clients between sessions while strengthening the work that goes on within the therapy session.

Many self-help books fill the shelves of major bookstores and some people read and benefit by them without ever seeing a therapist. Most individuals with serious concerns find these books interesting but often insufficient to provide relief by themselves.

Over the past 10 years, I have written and published more than 14 self-help books. One of the unique features is they are in the format of small, pocket-sized publications that individuals can conveniently carry with them and refer to whenever they needed a helpful reminder about how to think or respond during difficult times or challenging situations. These pocket sized self-help guidebooks provide insights and strategies on many of the most common problems individual face including stress, anger, anxiety, depression, worry, alcohol, drugs, smoking, weight, marital stress and work conflicts.

The guidebooks are written simply and practically with illustrations to highlight various strategies and methods. Most are 24-32 pages. Concise and to the point, they are useful aids to help clients maximize their improvement between sessions. They are sold to therapists to use with their clients. At $10 a copy, they are inexpensive, durable self-help books that will assist clients not only in feeling better but getting better.

In my practice, I often teach clients how to relax using diaphragmatic breathing. I demonstrate and they practice within the session. The guidebook provides clear and easy reminders that help them practice more effectively at home.

Whether you are one of my clients or seeing another therapist, you should consider inquiring about using a self-help book to add to your therapy experience.

Sports Psychology in Tennis: Getting “Hot” Isn’t Cool

Basketball great, Bob McAdoo recently shared his anxiety about watching his 15 year old daughter compete in tennis. Apparently, the 15 year old nationally ranked daughter at times fights herself rather than her opponent. The on-court outbursts interrupt her concentration and hurts her performance. McAdoo claims she inherited her temper from her mother. As a sports psychologist I don’t buy it. The greater likelihood is it is learned behavior that she has either observed in others or comes from her own overly perfectionist standards and unrealistic expectations of herself. It is also possible that she puts tremendous pressure on herself by demanding that she compete at the highest level as her father did. I have worked with a number of children of famous and successful parents that feel that way. Hopefully, she will learn how to channel her desire to win and become a pro one day, focusing more on “one day at a time” and “improving rather than winning”.

Mental Skills Toughness for Tennis

When sports announcers talk about mental toughness in individual players, they usually speak in generalities as if mental skills was a single attribute or skill, which it is not. Mental skills refer to a variety of attitudes, behaviors and coping skills which are usually taught and not inherent to the individual. Just as tennis skills consists of various shots along with strategy, foot speed and endurance, mental skills consists of techniques like relaxation and emotional regulation, concentration and imagery training and a host of other skills and training methods which might borrow from hypnosis, cognitive therapy and counseling.

Sports psychologists help athletes to identify their mental strengths and weaknesses and develop a systematic plan to strengthen skills essential to success in competition. In this way the sports psychologist is like a mental coach or mental trainer and can support the work of the individual or team coach. In today’s highly competitive athletic arena, mental toughness often determines the outcome more than raw skills. Working with a competent mental conditioning coach give the player and the team, “the winning edge” when it counts most.

Overcoming Tennis “Jitters”

Feeling nervous, to some extent is a normal and even a positive aspect as performing well. However, when nervousness escalates, performance declines. This is especially true in sports like tennis and golf, where optimal levels of arousal tend to be in the lower ranges.

Tennis “jitters” result in increased muscle tension, bad decisions and distractibility. Ultimately, this leads to increased errors and a greater number of lost points.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in a typical doubles match among intermediate level players, especially while serving in a critical point of a match.

As a “sports psychologist” and active competitive tennis player, it is easy to observe this. When the score is 40-30 and the server misses his or her first serve, the second serve is often just “lobbed in” to avoid the dreaded double fault. In reality, attempting to lob the ball in rather than attempting to hit a reasonable second serve with spin, pace and a margin for error, is probably no more reliable and results in the same amount of double faults. On top of that, a ball that lands short and softly allows the returner all the time in the world to place the ball wherever they want. In short, you end up losing the point anyway.

The cure for tennis jitters is to care less about making the mistake in the first place. Rather than worrying about the double fault, losing the point, caring what others may think, take a deep breath, visualize the second serve as being successful and just go for it! Whatever happens, happens.

When I work with my clients, whether face to face in my Boca Raton, Florida office or over the phone, I go into the process of effective coping in far greater detail and often teach and incorporate other strategies to overcome these and other long term negative habits.

The beauty of tennis is it is a game for life and you can improve some aspect of your play and performance throughout your playing career.