Blog - Page 5 of 7 - Virtual Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Overcoming Tennis “Jitters”

Feeling nervous, to some extent is a normal and even a positive aspect as performing well. However, when nervousness escalates, performance declines. This is especially true in sports like tennis and golf, where optimal levels of arousal tend to be in the lower ranges.

Tennis “jitters” result in increased muscle tension, bad decisions and distractibility. Ultimately, this leads to increased errors and a greater number of lost points.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in a typical doubles match among intermediate level players, especially while serving in a critical point of a match.

As a “sports psychologist” and active competitive tennis player, it is easy to observe this. When the score is 40-30 and the server misses his or her first serve, the second serve is often just “lobbed in” to avoid the dreaded double fault. In reality, attempting to lob the ball in rather than attempting to hit a reasonable second serve with spin, pace and a margin for error, is probably no more reliable and results in the same amount of double faults. On top of that, a ball that lands short and softly allows the returner all the time in the world to place the ball wherever they want. In short, you end up losing the point anyway.

The cure for tennis jitters is to care less about making the mistake in the first place. Rather than worrying about the double fault, losing the point, caring what others may think, take a deep breath, visualize the second serve as being successful and just go for it! Whatever happens, happens.

When I work with my clients, whether face to face in my Boca Raton, Florida office or over the phone, I go into the process of effective coping in far greater detail and often teach and incorporate other strategies to overcome these and other long term negative habits.

The beauty of tennis is it is a game for life and you can improve some aspect of your play and performance throughout your playing career.

Cheating In Sports

Cheating in sports sadly occurs from time to time in virtually every sport and every level of competition. The drive to win at any price or cost stems from a lack of morals within a particular individual and a sports culture which places an over emphasis on winning above playing fairly and by the rules.

To some degree, cheating in sports mirrors the larger attitude of society which elevates athletes to the hero level and at times extols the virtue of the robber if he/she is clever enough to get away with it.

Cheating in sports takes many forms. In a tennis match, it might be a player calling a ball out that he knows was in. In football, it might be holding a players helmet or shirt to slow them down. In other instances, it might mean taking a “banned” substance to become stronger or perform faster.

The most recent scandal surrounding cheating in sports involved one of the world’s greatest endurance athlete’s of all time, Lance Armstrong. Armstrong, winner of seven Olympic Gold medals in bicycling, was stripped of all of them after it was found that he had be using illegal substances to improve his performance.

Sadly, when athletic heroes are cheating in sports, it sends a message to the hundreds of thousands of young athlete’s that this is what is expected of you if you want to become great in your sport. This results in a new generation of “cheaters” and the cycle is perpetuated.

Let’s hope that parents, teachers and coaches will teach ethical behavior and moral development and that sports officials will enforce rules for cheating with immediate and significant penalties. In these ways, cheating in sports will hopefully be kept to a minimum and even have a positive impact on the larger society in general.

The Mental Skills Report Card

The mental skills report card is a self assessment of mental skills that individuals complete at the end of a game, match or important situation where they “should” have used one or more mental skills to help them perform to their potential.

Mental coaches and cognitive behavioral therapists use self monitoring tools to help individuals stay focused on training and evaluating new mental skills that are taught and then incorporated into the individual’s life.

Typical mental skills to enhance performance of all kinds include: confidence, concentration, calmness, communication, managing mistakes, performing well in pressure situations, recovering from adversity, etc.

Depending on the needs and goals of the individual, the psychologist teaches strategies to develop each of the mental skills. Once learned, the individual starts to incorporate them into their personal circumstances, then self rates their implementation of the mental skills and how effective they felt they were in using them.

Self recording of mental skills helps the individual and the mental coach evaluate the effectiveness of the mental skills training program and fine tune things as needed.

Regularly recording one’s mental skills reinforces the important of using mental skills and provides a more accurate evaluation as to their usefulness.

A mental skills report card can be a simple index card with the skills written on them and a checklist or rating scale that looks at frequency of use and effectiveness of use or it can have individual questions such as:

I remembered to breathe slowly and deeply for up to 5 minutes before giving my presentation (or at the beginning of my game).
When I missed a shot I immediately forgot about it and pictured hitting it successfully the next time.

By regularly reviewing and recording your mental skills progress, the skills eventually become a habit and you find yourself using them without even thinking about it.

Should You Run for Every Ball

Perhaps one of the most famous and best known tennis coaches wrote an article entitled, “Go for Every Ball No Matter Where it Lands”. He quoted the advice that Richard Williams, father of tennis greats, Venus and Serena, had imparted to them at an early age.

As a sports psychologist I am trained to look at advice in a systematic way: What works best for which person in which situation, under what circumstances?

The benefits of going for every ball even the ones that are very far out is that you may actually get some of them that both you and your opponent felt were impossible. It can build your confidence, speed, anticipation etc. It also sends a message to your opponent that they can’t let up or assume they have hit a winner. By going for everything, you may put pressure on some opponents to try and hit better shots which may result in them making more mistakes.

The risks of going for every ball, even the ones that are clearly way out of reach and those that are far out of the court are that you may get injured by being over stretched or hitting a ball from a very awkward position. You may also tire yourself out, especially if it is a hot day and/or you a playing a long match or matches. In these cases, you are likely to make any number of “fatigue” errors that outweigh the benefits of running down EVERY ball.

A smart player needs to balance risk/reward in running for shots and learn how to play efficiently. For example, if you are ahead 5-0, 40 love, NOT risking running into a fence to retrieve a great top spin lob your opponent just hit over your head might be a good mental strategy at that time!

The take away is, “no one size fits all”. Think of advice in a “general “ way and apply it to your needs and situation.

Parent’s Guide to Being A Tennis (or Sports ) Parent

A tennis teaching professional, Mike Dumitru, from Boca Raton, Florida wrote an excellent article, “Do’s and Don’ts for Tennis Parents, which appeared in Florida Tennis magazine. As a sports psychology consultant who works a lot with high performance kids and parents, I found a lot of good suggestions were included in this piece.

I think for the parents who are unsure of how to best help and guide their children, this article offers good and thoughtful ideas. It will however, do little for those parents who feel very sure that their way of interacting is perfectly fine, even when it may be hurtful, even harmful at times. When I come in contact with these parents (and sadly, sometimes coaches), I work with the kids to view them as distractions or obstacles that need to be dealt with.

It’s also important to remember that parents sometimes err in the opposite direction of not being available or supportive of their child’s sport of choice. For example, the father who wants his son to play football, rather than tennis or the mother who never attend any of the child’s matches either due to lack of interest, work or other reasons.

While tennis provides opportunities to learn and develop many important mental and physical skills, as an individual sport, it lacks many of the social and cooperative skills (cooperative effort towards a common goal ) teamwork, communication, helping others succeed) that group sports provide. Parents can help and encourage kids, (especially young ones) to cross train and develop their skills and interests in several sports. Most kids below the age of 12, don’t really know what they like or excel at. Giving a kid a choice along with opportunities to explore their interests is another “gift” parents can give.

Treating Sexual Problems In Females

As a psychologist, I have treated numerous individuals and couples. Clients often come into the office presenting with relationship issues. Many times, there is dissatisfaction in one or both with their sexual lives. Sometimes the sexual problem is caused by problems in the relationship and at other times the sexual difficulty in causing or contributing to the relationship difficulties. There are also times when the individual is troubled or disturbed and sex is not a priority.

I always recommend that clients have a candid discussion with their primary care doctor (not always easy for the client or the doctor) to see if there are medically related and/or medication related factors that could be causing or contributing to the concerns.

I offer a comprehensive evaluation to better understand the often complex factors that cause sexual problems in females. Here are just some of the psychological factors that can be affecting sexual desire and/or satisfaction in women. Many of the same factors could also be impacting men as well:

Poor self image.
Being stressed by personal or work issues.
Distractibility and difficulties with concentration and staying focused.
Feeling overly tired or fatigued due to a lack of a balanced lifestyle.
A negative mindset towards sex.
Poor communication with partner before, during and after sex.
Poor sexual skills leading to a dissatisfied partner.
Sex becoming boring and/or routine.
Performance Anxiety- fearing you will not do a “good enough job”.
Pain associated with the sexual act.
Feeling sexually inadequate and unable to satisfy partner’s needs.
Underlying high levels of depression, anxiety, shame, embarrassment or guilt.
Unresolved issues from past trauma.

As a male psychologist, I am comfortable in working with female clients on understanding and treating many female sexual problems. When a problem calls for specialized treatment or the female is more comfortable in working with a female psychologist, I will help them find another professional who can better serve them.

Treating female sexual problems requires the ability to establish a trusting relationship along with specific knowledge and skills.

Hypnosis for Smoking

Most people already know the risks and dangers of cigarette smoking, how bad it is for you and that they “should” quit. Those individuals who continue smoking have likely developed a strong negative habit, an automatic response to a host of triggers that maintain their smoking behavior.

Hypnosis is a powerful tool to help change unwanted negative habits. When I use hypnosis for smoking cessation with clients, I employ a customized method to evaluate the role smoking cigarettes plays in the person’s life. I then develop individualized suggestions designed to help change and modify these triggers.

Hypnosis helps the individual change their response to stress, their coping strategies and their overall lifestyle. My self-help guide, “Freedom From Tobacco” provides an additional tool to educate and motivate clients to quit and as an aid in preventing relapse.

In the first session, I take a history of the client’s smoking habit, medical situation, and current lifestyle and explain hypnosis in some detail. The client receives a copy of the “Freedom From Tobacco” guide to read for the next session. In the second session, the client is taught how to relax (get into a trance) and reviews the customized suggestions I have prepared. In the third meeting, I combine deep relaxation with the suggestions (hypnosis!). Clients may just need a single session or require 2-3 additional sessions to strengthen and reinforce the gains. The last session focuses on relapse prevention – helping the client remain free of cigarettes once he/she has stopped.

The success of hypnosis for smoking cessation is based on a number of variables: the individual’s motivation, natural talent to be hypnotized and my skill as a therapist and hypnotherapist. While there are no guarantees on how successful each person will be, hypnosis provides a safe, fast and relatively low cost investment in health and well-being.

Guidelines for Being a Sports Parent

Being a parent is a difficult that is at best gut instinct and trial and error learning. Being a sports parent just raises the bar that much more. The role of the sports parent depends on many factors including the nature of the sport, age and temperament of the child, accessibility to quality coaching and facilities and the resources of the family.

As I look back at my own experiences, both as a psychologist, sports psychology consultant and parent of an athlete, I can recognize some of my own strengths and weaknesses. In spite of perhaps more “knowledge” than the average parent, I recognize I was far from the “perfect” sports parent myself. However, I do come away with the satisfaction feeling I did a pretty good job and did the best I could at the time with the knowledge and resources I had.

I humbly have come up with a few guidelines of how you might become a great sports parent.

There are many ways to identify and encourage an interest in sports. Here is a short list.

Expose your child at an early age to the sports available in your community, both individual and team sports.
Watch sporting events on television together.
Plan some family events around going to some sport events.
“Play” ball with your child early and often.
Notice what activities he/she seems to like.
Look to your local community for after-school and weekend programs.
Summer camps, both day and sleep away, provide great opportunities to be exposed to many sports and activities in a short period of time.

Don’t be in a hurry to specialize in a single sport early on. Some of the best known coaches like tennis Guru Nick Bollettieri advocates promoting cross training to build essential athletic skills as a foundation for sports. Participating in a number of sports also helps reduce the risk of burnout and overuse injuries.

Provide your youngster with good equipment so they can safely and effectively participate in their sport. It is not necessary or even desirable to buy the best and most expensive even if you can afford it (with the exception of safety related items).

For recreational sports, the level of coaching/teaching might be variable as some instructors may be volunteers or have minimum training and experience in working with kids at a particular age and skill level. If possible, interview the coach, go to several practices and games to be sure the values and interactions the coach demonstrates are compatible with your own. Some issues that I personally had in this area were: 1. My son was once on a soccer team where the coach did lots of yelling and criticizing and treated the kids as if they were marine cadets! 2. In my own childhood, I was a good pitcher in baseball so the coach had me pitch entire games until I eventually threw my arm out.

If your youngster moves from recreational to competitive sports, DON’T be the coach. In my opinion mixing the role of coach and parent has led to far more problems than solutions.

Be careful not to re-live your own sports careers through that of your child. If you find yourself using phrases like, “We are going to have a tough time playing against Plymouth High this weekend”, watch out! YOU are not playing: your son or daughter is and this may be a sign you are overly involved or invested.

Encourage but don’t insist. The desire to play and practice should come from the child and not from you constantly pushing to practice more, try harder, etc.

Do not abdicate your role in character development. If you see your youngster, cheating, cursing, talking or behaving badly whether on or off the court or playing field, act accordingly. If your child throws a tennis racket in anger and frustration and it breaks and you immediately just replace the racket, you are just reinforcing this kind of negative behavior. Talk with your child about feelings and behaviors, cultivate the right attitudes, reward good behavior and when necessary, punish bad behavior.

If you as a sports parent, get overly anxious or angry and can’t control it yourself, get help. Remember the adage, as ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! You are your child’s most important role model. Actions speak louder than words. You can’t TELL a child to control their temper if you are losing yours!

Teach responsibility. Based on their age, give your children chores: walking the dog, helping put away groceries, doing laundry, setting their own alarm clock, being ready to go to a practice, lesson or game on time, attending to school, etc.

Choose your coaches wisely steering towards those who seek to develop your child as a whole person first and away from those who advocate a “winning at all costs” mentality. Remember the karate kid? Which teacher would you want your child to train with?

My most practical guideline for being a good sports parent is this: imagine everything you do and say is being recorded on video and the highlights will be broadcast on the national evening news. Choose your words and actions wisely; once given, they cannot be easily taken back.

Participation Awards in Sports

We all like recognition, attention and approval. When young children participate in recreational sports at the beginner level, it is about fun , physical activity ,basic skill development, interacting with others, listening, following directions and developing interests in areas they like, are good at and might like to pursue more in depth later on.

At the youngest ages, it has become a widespread practice to provide medals awards of one kind or another so not to make a less skilled player feel “left out our inferior”. It is also useful in helping the child feel good about his/herself. This approach is probably useful for children from ages 3 up until around age 8. Beyond that children can better assess the value and importance of awards and have the sense if everyone is getting it, it can’t be very worthwhile.

Participation awards add to the satisfaction of playing and learning and help keep them interested so they can grow through active participation in a sports program

Placing too much emphasis of “results”, especially at an early age can negatively impact self-esteem. It is harder for younger individuals to separate winning and playing well from how they feel about themselves.

As the child matures physically and emotionally and their skill level improves they can be introduced to “competitive” sports programs that place greater emphasis on results and winning while having a less significant impact on their self esteem.

Even at the professional level, providing awards of different types for different purposes has value.. For example : first place, most valuable player, rookie of the year, sportsmanship award, etc. Each has its place and purpose.

Anger Management for Men

In my psychotherapy practice I often see men who are referred to me by their wives or by therapists who are seeing couples and feel the “male” is in need of anger management.

Sometimes, the male is in complete agreement and at other times, they are reluctant participants. Using a cognitive behavioral approach to anger management, I explain that we have most control over our own behaviors and very little control over other’s behavior. We examine how anger is helpful or hurtful to them and their relationships and how they might want things to be different.

Often times my male clients blame their partner for their anger. “She makes me so mad when she…”. In the cognitive behavioral approach to anger management, I explain the ABC’s of Emotion, that is, it is not the ACTIVATING EVENT (A) that causes the anger ( C= emotional consequence) but the Belief (B) view he takes of it that causes his anger. By accepting responsibility for creating his own feelings, the client has begun the process of being able to manage them more effectively.

By working with male clients individually, I can help them to feel calmer, develop more control, tolerance and patience and get them ready to be able to focus on developing and improving communication skills, problem solving, negotiating skills etc. These are ways to modify partner behaviors in a healthy way and get more of what they want and less of what they don’t want.

In individual work with men on anger management, we get them to a place where they don’t lose their temper and can more effectively learn and use other skills to help in improving their relationship with their partner and others. Again, the emphasis is NOT on changing the other person but on changing ourselves. As this occurs, the door to relationship improvement is opened and new changes can be more easily introduced.

To help clients not only feel better but get better, I provide practical strategies, ideas and exercises for them to train with. Many of these are described in my brief, pocket-sized educational and self help guidebook, “Anger Management” available on the products side of my website (www.cognitivetherapy.cc).

Anger management for men based on a cognitive behavioral approach can be accomplished in a relatively short period of time if the male client is committed to self improvement and willing to learn and practice simple ideas, exercises and practices between weekly appointments. Many times clients have reported positive changes in their relationship even when their partner is not receiving their own therapy or they are not involved in couples therapy.

Dr. Robert Heller is based in Boca Raton, Florida.