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Defeating Negative Thinking

Negative thinking is easy to acquire and once it becomes a habit, requires consistent effort to change. Defeating negative thinking requires you to first become aware of what your negative thoughts and when they occur. Next, you need to make a list of the negative thoughts. Then, you need to come up with a “better” thought to “replace” the negative thought and practicing thinking and saying the replacement thought whenever the negative thought comes to mind. You must practice saying the new healthier thought STRONGLY and PASSIONATELY in order to get a change at the feeling level.

Defeating negative thinking requires systematic practice. Here is a mental exercise you can practice with: (I use this with tennis players, although you can see how easily it can be adapted to use with other sports or even in non-athletic related situations.)

Here is a list of common negative thoughts associated with playing competitive tennis. For each negative statement, write a more desirable positive statement.

1. Oh no. I have to play this opponent in the first round, I have lost to him twice before.

2. I can’t believe I missed that shot. What’s wrong with me?

3. I am down 3-0. I don’t have a chance.

4. That’s the second backhand I missed. My backhand is the worst.

5. I double faulted on game point. I really suck.

6. I should be killing this guy. I’m so much better and I’m down 3-1.

7. It’s unbelievable. That’s the second shot of mine that hit the line and he called it out. What a cheater!

8. I was ahead the entire set and now it’s 5-5. I’m terrible. I’ll probably end up blowing the set and losing the match.

9. My overhead was great in practice all week and now in the match I have missed 2 of them.

10. I can’t get over that bad call last game. It was such an important point.

Write any additional negative thoughts that are specific to your situation on the back of this page.

On a separate sheet of paper for each negative thought, come up with a more desirable thought to counter the negative one.

Now you have completed the first step in defeating negative thinking.

Resiliency

Resiliency, the ability to come back when behind, is a key mental skill to have both in sports and in life. A recent NBC show highlighted the resiliency of pro golfer, Michael Allen, who for most of his life struggled to make a living as a pro golfer.

Although he believed in himself, after 334 PGA starts without a win he called it quits. In an effort to better support his family, he tried other jobs. After several more years, with the support of his wife and the financial backing of friends he tried again.

His wife convinced him he had to do something different in order to have a better chance at a successful comeback. This time, he worked more on his fitness, hired a new “swing coach” and worked with a “sports psychologist”.

Resiliency combined with doing things differently paid off. After 20 years, Michael won his first PGA Senior tour and for the past 5 years has been a leading money winner, winning several other major tournaments.

The interview was conducted by veteran news reporter, Jayne Pauly. When asked by Matt Lauer of the Today Show, which of the changes she felt were most important in turning things around for Michel Allen, she said, the “sports psychology”.

As a sports psychologist, I live and work in Boca Raton,Florida, a Mecca for golf and tennis and home to numerous professional athletic events. In my experience, mental skills like resiliency and confidence are partly inherited, partly learned through early childhood experiences and partly improved upon through teaching, as are many life skills.

Through counseling and various types of emotional skills training athletes and non-athletes can learn to make changes and improvements in their performance both on and off the playing field.

The key is to get the help you need, make the necessary changes and put in the time and effort for things to come together.

How to Become Resilient

When you are resilient, you can handle adversity, come back when you are behind and channel pressure into helping you perform at your best. Resilient people use an ABCD or 4 step approach.

First of all, when they make a mistake, resilient people quickly(A) analyze it without judgment or emotion. They know they can’t do anything about what has just happened but seek to prevent future mistakes.

Secondly, they (B) breathe- slowly and deeply. This relaxes the body and calms the mind. It helps to forget the mistake, keep it in realistic perspective and move on.

The third step resilient people use is (C), they correct the mistake by focusing on what they might do differently the next time to insure a different result.

The fourth step is they (D) decide on a plan or course of action that they will immediately implement in order to move forward with greater confidence and effectiveness.

Resilient people have learned these skills either through trial and error or by being taught by someone who is resilient themselves.

If we use the sport of tennis as an example, consider a resilient player. He or she double faults. Instead of becoming self critical or overly negative, he mentally reviews the source of the error and decides the ball was tossed too low. He takes a calming breath to help let go and forget the last shot and pictures himself tossing the ball higher at the next opportunity. As he prepares to serve he thinks to himself “Higher toss” and pictures his arm releasing the ball as his arm raises past his eyes. All of this is accomplished in a matter of seconds.

Resilient people practice this 4 part process in most things they do. Try it yourself for three weeks in a particularly area of your life and notice what results you get.

Positive Thinking Against All Odds

Positive thinking is a mind set that helps you perform to your best even in the most challenging situations. At the Wimbledon Tennis Championships, Rafael Nadal the number two player in the world and two time winner of the tournament, was facing an unknown player ranked 100 in the world, Lukas Rosol, from theCzech Republic. In each of his previous 5 appearances atWimbledon, he had lost in the qualifying rounds never even reaching the main draw. The odds of Rosol beating Nadal were extremely, extremely low. However, someone apparently forgot to tell Sokol about it.

Rather than appearing anxious or intimidated, Rosol, was hitting with authority and maintained a cool, composed, business like attitude. Nadal was playing pretty well and wasn’t having an off day. Yet Rosol kept the pressure on. Even when Rosol missed a number of shots (unforced errors) he continued to go for his shots and hit a surprising number of amazing winners.

People who use positive thinking stay focused in the present moment and don’t over analyze a situation. When this optimistic attitude lines up with their natural talent, it allows them to perform at their best.

Positive thinking helps individuals get and stay in the “zone”, a reference to performing a task at an extremely high level in an apparent automatic and effortless way.

Often times, it is actually easier to compete in a situation where you are the clear underdog and not expected to win. There is no pressure on you to achieve or succeed. You don’t have to worry about disappointing others. You are therefore free to try new things or a different game plan. The worst that happens is you lose, which is what was “supposed” to happen anyway.

The idea that you have “nothing to lose” frees you to perform with a greater sense of freedom and ease which can propel your usual performance to an unusually higher level of functioning.

So, next time you face a tough opponent or a challenging situation, let you positive thinking kick in and believe in yourself and abilities and let whatever happens happen. Good things may happen!

Self-Help Books

I have been using self-help books as a supplement to my work with clients for over 40 years. My mentor, Dr. Albert Ellis was one of the earliest psychologists to write his own self-help books. Bibliotherapy is widely used by therapists in their work with clients. The reading of material and engaging in exercises provided provides structure and support for clients between sessions while strengthening the work that goes on within the therapy session.

Many self-help books fill the shelves of major bookstores and some people read and benefit by them without ever seeing a therapist. Most individuals with serious concerns find these books interesting but often insufficient to provide relief by themselves.

Over the past 10 years, I have written and published more than 14 self-help books. One of the unique features is they are in the format of small, pocket-sized publications that individuals can conveniently carry with them and refer to whenever they needed a helpful reminder about how to think or respond during difficult times or challenging situations. These pocket sized self-help guidebooks provide insights and strategies on many of the most common problems individual face including stress, anger, anxiety, depression, worry, alcohol, drugs, smoking, weight, marital stress and work conflicts.

The guidebooks are written simply and practically with illustrations to highlight various strategies and methods. Most are 24-32 pages. Concise and to the point, they are useful aids to help clients maximize their improvement between sessions. They are sold to therapists to use with their clients. At $10 a copy, they are inexpensive, durable self-help books that will assist clients not only in feeling better but getting better.

In my practice, I often teach clients how to relax using diaphragmatic breathing. I demonstrate and they practice within the session. The guidebook provides clear and easy reminders that help them practice more effectively at home.

Whether you are one of my clients or seeing another therapist, you should consider inquiring about using a self-help book to add to your therapy experience.

I Am Responsible

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR WORKING HARD

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR STAYING FOCUSED

– I bAM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY MOTIVATION.

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THE THOUGHTS I CHOOSE

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FEELINGS I HAVE

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THINGS I DO.

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I LEARN FROM MY TEACHER/COACH

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I SAY

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTROLLING MY BEHAVIOR

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW I SPEND MY MONEY

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR EATING GOOD FOOD

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR HYDRATING BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER SPORTS ACTIVIITES

– I AM RESPONSBILE FOR PLAYING BY THE RULES

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR TREATING OTHERS WITH RESPECT

– I AM RESPONSIBLE TO GETTING REST TO HEAL AND RECOVER

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MANAGING MY MISTAKES

– I AM RESPONSBILE FOR ACHIEVING MY GOALS

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY SUCCESS

– I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HAPPINESS

Taking responsibility is not always easy but in the long run is related to being mentally fit and strong and successful in many areas of life. In my work as a sport psychologist, I often meet individuals who quickly and easily blame others for their short comings and failures rather then looking inside themselves. For those who stop playing the blame game and live responsibly, success and happiness are likely outcomes.

Winning From Behind

Have you ever been losing badly in a game or tennis match and thought you had no chance of coming back or winning? Chances are, you ended up losing. Why? Perhaps because your opponent was playing much better or you were performing below what you normally do. But more likely, you insured your loss by your strong belief that you would lose. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Because you no longer believe you can win, you start slacking off which allows your opponent to finish you off without trying too hard.

In the 2011 Wimbledon tennis quarter finals match, it would have been easy for the under-dog, Jo Wilfred Tsonga, to think that he was done, and give up or at least let down. You see, he was down 2 sets to love against one of the best players, not only in the world, but perhaps one of the best players of all time, the great Rodger Federer. In fact, when Federer was ahead two sets to love in each of his prior 78 matches, he had always won. The odds of Tsonga winning that match was slim to none. However, someone forgot to remind Tsonga because he just stuck in there, raised his game and ended up winning the next 3 sets to win the match!

Bottom line, play hard, play your game and play until the last second or last point.

A positive belief in yourself and your abilities can often improve your chances of success in almost every situation both in sports and in life!

Most athletes can learn to improve their confidence, improve their ability to come back from behind and play tougher under pressure.

A mental conditioning training program program like Dr. Robert Heller’s TENNISNISMIND,(www.mentalskillstennis.com) provides relaxation exercises to calm the body and specific affirmations to train the mind to automatically respond to challenges in positive ways.

Winning in Sports

The Women’s World Cup match up between Japan and the United States turned out to be a real “nail biter” and a test for mental skills and mental toughness as well as the physical skill, technique and strategy. The U.S. had long dominated Japan in previous match ups and was the heavy favorite to win. In fact, they took most of the shots and controlled play for much of the first half, creating many opportunities but failing to connect. In a game where the U.S. was leading during much of it, Japan fought back and tied the score in the regular game and then again with only four minutes remaining in the overtime. In the shootout, it was Japan’s goalkeeper who blocked 2 U.S. kicks and perhaps a U.S. player who may have choked by sending what should have been an easy goal, a dozen feet above the goal bar that made the difference in Japan’s winning effort.

Winning in sports and in life, is trying your hardest and never giving up until the very end. It is holding out hope and playing with uncertainty. In sports psychology, we teach persistence, tenacity and recovering from adversity. This game was a testimony to those skills and ideals. Both teams have much to feel proud about.

How a Psychologist treats Flying Phobia

As a psychologist who has treated many individuals who suffer a Flying Phobia or the fear of flying, I can tell you that by having to avoid flying, people have missed important family occasions and even lost out on major jobs and promotions. An even larger number of people fly but do so very reluctantly and with extreme anxiety.

Almost 40 years ago, starting out as a young psychologist, I had the great opportunity to assist and eventually, co-lead one of the world’s first group fear of flying programs. It was based out of Logan Airport in Boston and developed by my mentor, psychologist, Dr. Albert Forgione. The ten-session 90-minute program met weekly at the airport and was based on a cognitive behavioral approach for overcoming fears, known as systematic desensitization. At the end of the ten-week program, more than 80% of the participants were successful and able to take a “graduation flight.” Details of the program are spelled in Dr. Forgione’s book, “Fearless Flying”.

As I became more experienced in cognitive behavioral methods in treating fears and phobias, I developed an individual approach to fear of flying based on my training with psychologist, Dr. Albert Ellis. Details of this approach appear in a chapter I wrote for psychologist, Dr. Windy Dryden’s book, “Innovations in Rational Emotive Therapy”.

Over the years, I have taken pleasure and pride in knowing I have helped so many overcome debilitating fears and phobias and in most cases, without the use of medications or alcohol.

If you are seeking the help of a psychologist to overcome a fear of flying or other fears, it is important to inquire if they are trained and experienced in using the methods I have described. While some other methods used by psychologists may also be helpful, methods based on cognitive behavioral therapy and systematic desensitization have a long and proven history of effectiveness for a high percentage of individuals.

A Psychologist’s Approach for Treatment of Depression

As a cognitive behavioral psychologist, I view most depressions as the result of negative or maladaptive thinking. However, whenever someone is referred for depression, I always take a full history and do a comprehensive evaluation to determine the type of depression and how serious the depression is.

Depression is characterized by a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. In extreme forms, the individual may have serious thoughts or plans to commit suicide. If this is the case then coordinating treatment with a psychiatrist for medication and/ or hospitalization is the first order of business to stabilize the person so that they are still around to benefit from psychological treatment.

Most depressions are based on the perception of a serious loss such the death of a child, spouse, parent, etc. If the loss is very recent, such as a few weeks or even months, it is normal and healthy to grieve. If the level of depression is severe and extended than a psychologist can be of significant help in coping with the loss. Other types of losses can include situations like getting divorced (when you didn’t want to) or losing a job you really enjoyed and/ or needed.

Another type of depression is characterized by negative or irrational beliefs the individual holds about themselves, others or the world in general. For example, if someone believes he or she or others must be perfect, they will invariably be repeatedly disappointed. Unrelenting standards and being overly critical is a well-known recipe for depression. Cognitive behavioral therapy is quite effective in teasing out negative, self defeating beliefs and helping individuals develop healthier attitudes and ways of thinking.

As a psychologist and writer, I have published two brief guidebooks that provide tips, strategies and recommendations for depression. One is written for the general public, both for clients and for those wanting to better understand depression and what to do about it. The other book on depression is written specifically for those who serve in the military and their families. Many other psychologists and other therapists have used these along with my other self-help guides in their work with clients. They are available on the self-help section of my website, www.cognitivetherapyfl.com.

Depression is like quick sand, if you do nothing, you are likely to sink deeper. With the right helping hand you can pull yourself up and recover to lead a happier and more satisfying life regardless of your circumstances.